I know a little bit about psychology I know little tiny bit, a really microscopic bit about psychology But what I lack in expertise I make up for very well with enthusiasm. You only need to drop the hint That you might be suffering and I’ll be there with so much advice you’d need three life times to take it all in at once. I’ll help you out I’ll help you out I’ll help you, why? Cause I’m an amateur psychologist Amatuer psychologist Amatuer psychologist Amatuer psy-- I'll tell you the reasons why you think what you do Why that train of thought is not unique And all the reasons why you feel what you do In your subconscious we’ll be taking a peak. And I know so many findings, from so many studies Each one of them is totally true And I’ll give you illuminating advice such as: "...Ohhh. You're not over him are you?" I’ve obviously got a gift Of hypersensitivity to the needs of my friends It depends do you meditate? I think it’s great, we should do a session today just you and I Why? Cause I’m an amateur psychologist Amatuer psychologist Amatuer psychologist Amatuer psy-- I’ll take you there We’ll plumb the depths of your despair Cause I know everything about how you tick For these conversations I am well equipped I can dissect your childhood I’ll question your mood Probe you about substances Addiction to food And I am honoured that you've confided in me And I will oh so generously Take your problems and I’ll make 'em mine Tell you all about the flaws in your design What you really meant when you said you’re okay And for all my services you won’t have to pay I’m a shoulder to cry on, I’m someone who’ll listen But before you start I have got to get this in I don’t have experience, degrees or scruples But why are my friends all becoming my pupils? Cause I’m their amateur psychologist Amateur psychologist Ama-- Ama-- Ama... I know a little bit about psychology

I know better than you do about how you should do your job I know better than you do about how you should do your job We all know better than you do, about you, and how you, should do your job. I know better than you do about how you should raise your kids Make sure there's no boundaries, or gifts that are off limits Then pack 'em full of sugar! And yell at them for getting excited Yes I know better than you do about how you should raise your kids I know better than you do about the foods that you should eat Cavemen didn't eat dairy! So really why should we? I've narrowed down our problems, and it was centuries of eating wheat! Yes I know better than you do about the foods that you should eat I know better than you do about how to afford a house It's pretty simply really, you get the money for a house Now if you can't get a job which would allow you to afford a house, Then I can't really help you if you want to buy a house. I know better than you do about how you should live your life You should have a family, that has a husband and a wife And I don’t need to know you to give you all of my advice Because I'd know better than you do about how you should live your life I know better than you do about how you should do your job I know better than you do about how you should do your job We all know better than you do, about you, and how you, should do your job.

Seat belts and condoms and swimming classes Protective glasses. They will seal me from crashes and spills, the risks of the thrills And I will arrive safe and alive and on time for life. Reading and writing and how to add up. The things that you want to the things that you've got. And most of all son though it won't seem of use You must find the length of this hypotenuse. But nobody teaches you any of the important shit. How to lose someone then properly deal with it. There's no standard tests on anything that's worth a damn And I only get one attempt at this exam. Love songs, books and romantic comedies Greeting cards, chain emails, tweets. That's where we find our life living syllabus Generally leaving us lost How to be okay with how small you are Look after your car and make healthy dinners How to let somebody into your heart How to let that person out. Nobody teaches you any of the important shit. How not to love someone when they don't requite it There's no standard tests on anything that's worth a damn How to back down, when to stand your ground How to know if you're wrong in the face of your hearts strings Screaming at you "this is too good to lose" as it's blown away. But then I would probably sleep through that class if there was one.

So there's my heart I keep it in this box. As you can see it has been scratched a few times before But I won't be so careless with it any more And it means I never cry Though at times I seem cold And if you weep onto my shoulder I'll have nothing to say But if you just wait for a minute I'll be back right away With this heart for you. We'll keep yours brand new. But don't you dare take it out without telling me first I need to be fully prepared for that kind of thing Or else I could be crippled by the slightest sting I keep the box velvet lined I hope that you don't mind You seem like someone who could take care of this. But I've trusted each girl since my very first kiss See there's chunks missing from when I ripped it back From lovers when it turned out they just wanted to attack Though you are the first to come to stay Without me leading the way So look after me and I will look after you And we'll put photos in the box of the memories that pass And I assure you, this high quality box will last With your heart inside Safe and dry Keep your heart inside Holding on to mine.

So let's forget about our troubles Let's just forget about our bills We'll have a beautiful time On beautiful wine There's plenty more where this one came from It doesn't matter if it spills. We'll take some photos and make some memories In the shade of these glorious jacaranda trees And I cannot seem to remember what distracted me From the beauty and the joy and the sweet sweet smiles Of your lovely company And this moment's just a moment I know But it's not a moment to waste So let's forget about our troubles Let's just forget about our bills We'll have a beautiful time On beautiful wine And we'll be crazy unproductive No more work to be done today No assignments, no messages Just fooling around And no, no, no more essays And this moment's just a moment, just a moment I know But it's not a moment to waste ~~~ And I cannot for the life of me know How foolish chores distracted me so Far from the way That I have so enjoyed today.

Home is where I want to be Pick me up and turn me around I feel numb, born with a weak heart Guess I must be having fun The less we say about it the better Make it up as we go along Feet on the ground, my head in the sky It's okay, I know nothing's wrong, nothing I got plenty of time You got light in your eyes And you're standing here beside me I love the passing of time Never for money, always for love Cover up and say goodnight, say goodnight Home, is where I want to be But I guess that I'm already there I come home, she lifted up her wings I guess that this must be the place I can't tell one from the other I find you, or you find me? There was a time before we were born If someone asks, this is where I'll be, where I'll be We drift in and out Sing into my mouth Out of all those kinds of people You got a face with a view I'm just an animal looking for a home Can we share the same space for a minute or two? And you love me till my heart stops Love me till I'm dead Eyes that light up Eyes look through you Cover up the blank spots Hit me on the head